Biceptual experience.

To cut a long story short, a friend and I ended up in the sticky hallway of a peep show last night with a gay guy we'd just met. He was a cool guy until he got me alone and posed the question, "You ever had a bi-experience?"
"Sorry?" I replied. In the hope that he wouldn't repeat it again.
He said it a little louder, "You ever had a BI-EXPERIENCE?"
I could have easily little finger curled this guys entire body weight. I really needed an escape from this yucky situation asap. Instead of using my weight to over power or politely saying I wasn't interested I simply replied, "I eat shit."
"Sorry?" He replied. He knew what I'd said.
"I eat shit, dude, and smear it all over my rad body." I said this straight face. (Ha!)
"You mean feces?"
"Yeah, shit. " I said.
"Serious?"
"No shit." So he backed away. Within the minute he'd ask my mate the same question. He's a lot smaller than me and who really gives a fuck what any small guy has to say laughed and told him that he wasn't interested.

This post is sort of a heads-up to my attractive readers so that they know what's the best way to handle a situation like this. If you're small or ugly you've got to take what you can get.